August 29, 2011, 2:31 pm
Filed under: Home Sweet Home

Its been a while since I have been on here. ever had one of those stages of life where you just kind of float along, not really motivated by anything? That’s me right now. I think the maximum fortitude of my excitement threshold came into fruition Thursday when I heard that the classical public radio station I listen to was showcasing Placido Domingo in the opera version of Cyrano du Bergerac Saturday at 1pm, and then I promptly forgot to listen to it.

I did, however, shamelessly coerce my 20 year old godson into voting for RonPaul in the next election. “When is it?” He asked.

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am SO not afraid to corrupt the naive youth with my political brainwash. No Way 🙂

But Mr. Monkey suggested I write about this next little life-happening thing, so I guess I can share. Last week I am getting ready for work (late as usual…ridiculously late) and I had just baby-gated the kitchen from the dogs, coffee in one hand —Whole Foods recycled bag of food for work in the other…and I cast a random eye over to Merlin, my man cat, who was gently patting something back and forth between his paws. They have this one toy they ADORE which is a little brown leopard print mouse…and they all play with it endlessly so –especially in my hurried state I assumed that was what it was. Except….it was larger. LARGER.

Despite my rush I wandered over….fears confirmed. It was a bat.

We have had, over the years, a real bat problem. Oh it super typical where we live. We live in the most beautiful neighborhood in our city. It’s all old homes and old money. Of course –we are poor, but I wouldn’t trade our location for anything in the WORLD ….it’s midtown so its urban, but oh what an oasis. The boulevards you see are absolutely gorgeous…in fact, I believe the Jack Nicholson/ Alexander Payne film ‘About Schmidt’ was filmed in our neighborhood. But bats adore old homes…they tend to be more organically built and house old crevices, high ceiling and large attics where they can roost. Likewise, we have loads of old trees and forage. We aren’t sure if the bats are in our attic ( too scared to check) or if they just get in when we let the dogs in and out but regardless its gross as Hell. This year hasn’t been that bad since the brown bat population was nearly destroyed by a moldy fungus that attacked the species. Since we got the twins (Merlin and Mouse) we have discovered that in addition to bugs, which they both hunt, Mouse is a bat-killing ninja. Her prowess is unbelievable, she can sniff them out, see them in the dark, and then she swiftly polishes them off like an assassin. We are fairly certain she took this guy out.

Oh he was big. Vomit inducing big. I stood frozen and my life rather flashed before my eyes, a bit like when a customer at work said ‘penis’ to me over the phone. I didn’t really know where to go with that, and I didn’t really know what to do about my fat rig-amortized friend on the floor either.

I grabbed a paper towel and whisked him off the floor and tossed him in the yard.I wanted my husband to see him later, which of course he did and then mocked me that the bat wasn’t big at all. Naturally.



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